How Are You Doing Man?
How are you doing?
I imagine you get asked this question daily by strangers, family and friends, but how often do you answer the question without holding back? How often do you honestly share how life really looks and feels to you?
I would hasten to guess, it’s very infrequently, if you ever have at all.
In my experience, the question usually gets an autonomous response such as ‘I’m doing fine’ or ‘I’m good thanks’.
There’s no major problem with these kinds of answers, especially to someone you hardly know, but very few men are willing to be vulnerable enough to let those closer (friends, family or spouse) know if things aren’t so great.
Most men, would see this as a sign of weakness. No man wants to be perceived as weak, but the truth is sharing how you’re feeling takes courage.
I believed sharing ‘my challenges’ would show weakness, that’s not what I was told men should do, so innocently I’d lie to the person in front of me. More importantly I would delude myself because I was unwilling to take ownership of the problem.
Lying to yourself is just a recipe for misery.
To get where you want to go, you have to be truthful about where you are right now. You have to know the exact location from where you’re starting. Is your health, relationship or finances in a good position or are things a struggle?
Do you love your work or does everyday feel like it’s wasted? Are you living full out or are you playing the game of life at a fraction of what’s possible?
Only you know if you’re pushing the pain or problem under the carpet rather than confronting it head on. Many of the people I speak to are constantly striving for more, they think there somewhere else to get. They think getting more would solve their perceived problems, when in fact all they’re failing to do is to stop and be grateful for what’s already present in their lives
So today I’m genuinely and lovingly wanting to know…how are you doing? I invite you to stop and take stock. Be brutally honest with yourself.
What’s working? What’s not working? What’s missing? What’s next?
You might be pleasantly surprised or see there’s something you’ve been avoiding that needs your attention. Blind spots are called that because they’re difficult to see.
When you know your starting location you can navigate your way to your desired location easily, but you’ve got to know exactly where you are now. There’s no point telling people who could help you that you’re doing fine when things aren’t. That’s called staying stuck.
If you find you’re somewhere you don’t want to be, don’t fight it. Fighting with your circumstances just prolongs the struggle. Accept where you are, it’s not your circumstances that give you difficulty, it’s the meaning you give them that’s the problem.
All you need to do is figure out where you want to get to and take the very first step, then the next. Get the ball rolling and let momentum take you for a ride. Getting from A – B is always that simple, all you need is a willingness to act and patience to stay the course.
So I invite you to be 100% transparent with yourself when you ask “how are you doing?”
If you think you’d find it useful to hit reply and tell me, I’d love to hear, if you’d rather keep it to yourself, that’s cool too.
But stay with the question, because being honest and genuine with yourself is the starting point for seeing more gratitude or what needs to change.
Let me know if you feel inspired to share…
Jamie @ The Inspired Man
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