The Key to Happiness and Making Your Life REALLY Count

The Key to Happiness and Making Your Life REALLY Count

By Jamie Matthewman
May 23rd, 2014

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ~ John Lennon

John Lennon’s quote tells it how it really is — that self love is the key to living an inspired life and a necessity for continuation of the human race.

Read his quote again, let these powerful words resonate within you. This is truth being spoken.

But when were you taught the importance of being kind and loving to yourself?

How often was loving yourself or even self acceptance a topic of conversation around the dinner table? I don’t have any male friends where this was the norm do you?

It isn’t something men talk about, which is perhaps why I knew nothing about this until I was nearly 40, so if you’ve parents who knew the importance, you’ve been very lucky.

I was used to being very unkind to myself so at first self love seemed selfish and even a little bit weird, but actually love is a powerful tonic for freedom, self doubt on the other hand is imprisoning.

I soon realised that without total self acceptance I’d never create wholesome relationships, know what I really wanted or achieve the level of success I’m capable of.

You need to fall in love with who we are, “in all of our glory and our imperfections” as John Lennon says, before we can ever know what freedom feels like.

Until you stop giving yourself and hard time and taking yourself so fucking seriously you’ll continue to get in your own way.

Love is the highest force of nature. It connects everything, it brings people together. It is the wisest feeling available. You can’t go far wrong if you follow love, it will guide you home.

It is a capacity you’re be born with. You don’t learn it, you unlearn it.

Young children show effortlessly how to love unconditionally, without any formal training.
Love is those times when life feels like a precious gift. That’s always available. Yet in today’s high speed, rapidly changing world, these moments can seem few and far between.

The thing that gets in the way is hurrying, hurrying through life is fear, but love never leaves you.
It is always there waiting for you to slow down and reconnect with the mystery of life instead of trying to control the unknown.


From a biological and evolutionary perspective you are ‘made to love’, your health and wellbeing benefit by becoming kinder, more loving and compassionate.

When you’re loving you embrace life — and as John Lennon says “evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life”.

A growing number of scientific studies are proving that compassion makes you smarter, healthier and happier. It alleviates depression, improves your relationships. It stimulates the nervous system to combat inflammation, the underlying source of most major diseases, including cancer.

Love is good for your heart, immune system and helps you live longer. Biologically your body performs optimally when you are loving to yourself and others. When you are being loving, your body produces the hormone ‘oxytocin’ often referred to as the ‘Love Hormone’.

Research also shows that it is a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone. It protects your cardiovascular system: it reduces blood pressure, helps clear your arteries of free radicals and inflammation, and even helps repair damaged blood vessels.

So it makes complete sense and the only thing getting in the way of you activating your bodies innate intelligence is by giving up all ideas of not being good enough, big enough, clever enough or any other false concept you may have about yourself.

This isn’t about thinking yourself better than anyone else, this is about believing in the truth of who you are,
not the stories that can keep you imprisoned.

You might not have all of the faculties, appendages, good looks, IQ or whatever it is you admire, that’s life, but freedom requires you to recognise and appreciate all of the great things about you, even if right now, you don’t see them yet.

Whilst ever you believe you’re not good enough life is limited, because you never appreciate that whatever your circumstances, whoever you believe yourself to be, you’re always much more.

Being kind to yourself is a necessary starting point to recognising what inspires you, what you love, what you really need.

You have to fall in love with yourself before you can truly, deeply, unconditionally love someone else. Before you can be free.

Jamie Matthewman

About Jamie Matthewman

Jamie is the founder, main contributor and editor of The Inspired Man.

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