How to Stop Being Needy and Why it Matters in All Areas of Life

How to Stop Being Needy and Why it Matters in All Areas of Life

By Jamie Matthewman
February 28th, 2016

What’s the one thing you think you need right now? Is it money, a new relationship, more customers, a new job? The reason I ask is because I’m noticing a subtle difference you might not be seeing between needing and wanting.

A distinction which if you aren’t clear about, can seriously get in the way of your success whether this be in business, your finances, with women and so on. Neediness is often talked about in the dating world as one of the biggest no no’s when it comes to relationships and approaching women.

Why…because neediness is unattractive to women, the moment a woman gets a sniff that you’re desperate you’re screwed, but not in the way you’d like! A woman wants to see confidence, laughter, strength, courage, compassion and lots of other traits in a potential partner but not desperation.

If you’re believing you need a woman to complete you, to make you happy, you underestimating yourself and misunderstanding how life works. If this is your approach, I know I’ve been there, you’ll probably repel that which you believe you need most. The same is true for other areas of life.

Neediness is a counter productive emotion we’d all love to banish from our lives, but the trouble is, it’s not always easy to identify when you’re ‘being’ needy. At least that’s my experience…

When I quit the corporate life and a relatively high salary to follow my own path, I often thought I needed more money and at times I did, but more often than not, neediness instantly creates a feeling of anxiety and desperation, which just like when approaching woman or any relationship, is an ineffective place to create that which you think you need in your life.

The thing is, most of the time when I questioned if it’s true that I needed money, I found the answer was actually no. More of the green stuff in the bank would definitely be nice, but the truth is if more money was REALLY a necessity, I’d do whatever was required to create it. So if you’re spending hours and days feeling miserable because you don’t have something you need – chances are it’s not what you really need.

Needs are motivating when they’re real, but thinking you need something you don’t, means instead of focusing your energy on creating what you want, you magnify a perceived problem that doesn’t exist.

A relationship is a natural desire, it’s an essential part of being human, but when I’ve pined for a woman in my life, its consumed my mind and in doing so I innocently made my happiness dependent on an imaginary external need when happiness is actually an inside job.

If Women don’t exist to make men happy, that responsibility rests on your shoulders.

Be as I found out … the man a woman needs … is not the man who needs a woman.

Whether you’re struggling with women or any other area of life, if neediness is the place you come from, you’ll continue to fail where you really want to succeed.

Neediness focuses your creative energy on what you don’t have, whereas choosing what you really want, accesses the commitment, resolve and enthusiasm required for success.

You and I have the power and capability to create whatever we REALLY need and way more. So instead of limiting your creative potential, stop thinking about what you need and instead define what you REALLY want.

How about you? Have you noticed an area of your life, where being unclear about the distinction between needs and wants has got in your way?

Jamie Matthewman

About Jamie Matthewman

Jamie is the founder, main contributor and editor of The Inspired Man.

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