What Do Women Want in a Man They Love The Most?
What do women want in a man? I’m sure you’ve asked yourself that questions at least once in your life, I know I have.
In this article Russel Davis, shares with you what he believes is the one thing the woman in your life wish you knew. Russell who’s friend of mine, has some really great advice about dealing with male infertility and relationships.
Over to you Russell…
What Do Women Want in a Man They Love Most?
After eight years of being married and many years of infertility, my wife one day told me that she felt alone on the journey.
I was really surprised by this. I attended all the appointments, we talked about things and made the decisions together. How was it that she felt alone?
She told me that she didn’t feel united on the journey. Emotionally united.
She said she didn’t understand what was going on within me, within my head. She said she didn’t know how I felt about things.
I must admit this had been quite a common complaint in our relationship that I lived in my head and that I wasn’t present.
I lived in my head for two reasons – one was because I generally didn’t know how I felt at any given point. I really wasn’t aware of my emotions let alone able to articulate them.
The second reason was I thought I needed to be the strong one, to be strong for her and not allow my feelings to be an additional burden for her.
It turns out that’s not what she wanted.
She wanted to know how I felt. She wanted me to understand how she felt. It is this sharing and understanding at an emotional level that enables a woman to feel united with her man.
This can be a very alien concept for a man.
All we want to do is help, support and love our woman. The problem is no-one is ever taught us how to do that. No-one gave us the manual for women and like-wise no-one gave them the manual for men.
So we have to learn little by little to understand one another, to understand ourselves.
I couldn’t get my head around the fact that so many times I tried to help my wife somehow what I said make things worse.
It turns out they don’t want us to make them feel better or to fix their problems. They want to feel understood. And they want to understand how we feel. Not what we think.
There is a cultural undertone that men have to be the ‘providers’, the strong one to protect and look after our partner.
Whilst it is true that women want their men to be strong, to be able to create a container that can contain their emotions, without judgement and without trying to fix or change it, this can take strength of character.
I for one used to psychologically run away from my wife’s strong emotions, not knowing how to help her as it seemed most things I tried in the past made it worse.
However that’s because I judged her feelings is ‘bad’ and tried to change them, wanting her to feel OK.
Women want their men to be able to be strong enough to create such a container but also to be vulnerable enough to share their feelings.
Men too often see this as a weakness. Society creates a perception that ‘big boys don’t cry’. Well that’s not true. That is an adolescent form of male energy depicted by society and the media. Repressing our emotions leads to men being either aggressive and angry or passive ‘Mr Nice Guys’ (aka people pleasers).
She wants you to be able to cry, to be real whilst at the same time to be strong to hold a safe place for her emotions without judging them right or wrong, good or bad. To be able to listen, validate and empathise, not fix or change.
Next time she is emotional or shares a problem ask her how she is feeling or check to see if what you think she is feeling is correct.
Ask her questions to seek to understand how she feels. Report back your understanding. Check you have got it right. There are three points to this.
- Listen. Hear the feeling behind what she is saying.
- Validate. Check you have it right. Let her know you understand by checking your understanding. Don’t judge it. ‘That makes sense’ is best thing you can say at this point!
- Empathise. Recognise the impact this is having on her. Again, it’s not about whether you think it is relevant/necessary or not.
Have fun exploring relating in this new way! Russell .
If you’d like to chat more about this please contact me at my website, I’d love to hear from you.
More For You
How to Save a Relationship That’s On The Rocks
The Way of Men vs. The Way of Women
How to Get the Girl of Your Dreams Without Any Tips, Tricks or Tactics
If you enjoyed this subscribe to The Inspired Man´s newsletter for the best ideas on creating greater health, confidence and success in all areas of your life